Shared Journaling With Family
- Fruzsina Moricz
- Jan 9
- 10 min read
Updated: 6 days ago
In one large review of journaling studies, people who wrote about their thoughts and emotions saw, on average, a 5% reduction in mental health symptoms compared to those who didn’t—and anxiety symptoms dropped by about 9%.[1] That’s from simple, individual writing. When you add another person into that space—your child, your partner—you’re not just putting words on a page. You’re building a small, shared room where both of you can think, feel, and breathe a little differently.
Shared journaling sounds soft and sentimental. Biologically and psychologically, it’s not. It sits at the intersection of emotional processing, stress regulation, and relationship dynamics. It changes how two nervous systems talk to each other.
And for families going through illness, grief, or just the grinding stress of caregiving, that can matter a lot.
What “Shared Journaling” Actually Is (and Isn’t)
Shared journaling is any practice where two people co-create journal entries that both can see. It can be:
A physical notebook passed back and forth
A shared Google Doc
A secure app where you both write and read entries
It can happen:
Synchronously – writing together in real time (e.g., sitting at the table, each adding a paragraph)
Asynchronously – one writes, the other reads and responds hours or days later
In parent–child pairs, it often becomes:
A structured way to talk about hard things (school stress, illness, fear, anger)
A quieter channel for kids who shut down in face-to-face conversations
A record of growth, questions, and inside jokes over time
In couples, it’s frequently used to:
Process conflict without the heat of the moment
Share fears or needs that are hard to say out loud
Build intimacy by seeing each other’s inner world in writing
What it’s not:
A replacement for therapy
A magic fix for serious relationship problems
A place where one person spies on the other’s mind
At its best, it’s a mutually agreed space with boundaries, not a surveillance log.
Key Ideas Behind Shared Journaling
A few concepts help explain why a shared notebook—or shared doc—can feel so different from just “talking more.”
Dialogical reflection
Instead of one person monologuing, both people write, read, and respond. Over time this creates:
Reciprocal self-disclosure – “Here’s what I’m really thinking.”
Gentle questioning – “When you said X, did you mean…?”
Clarification – “I wasn’t angry at you; I was scared.”
Research on shared journaling in peer and educational settings shows that this back-and-forth significantly increases reflective engagement—people think more deeply about their own actions and the other person’s perspective.[2][11]
Reflexivity
Reflexivity is the ability to notice your own thoughts and feelings while also holding awareness of the other person’s experience.
Written dialogue can make this easier because:
You can see your own words and theirs side by side
You have time to pause before responding
You can reread entries and notice patterns (“I always get defensive around this topic”)
This isn’t just a philosophical skill; it’s a practical one that supports better communication in daily life.
Emotional co-regulation
Humans regulate emotion together. When one nervous system is overwhelmed, a calmer, attuned other can help bring it back down.
Shared journaling supports co-regulation by:
Giving a low-arousal channel for big feelings (no raised voices on paper)
Allowing delayed responses, so people can answer from a more settled state
Creating a ritual that signals “this is our safe processing space”
For a child whose parent is often stressed, or a partner who feels they must “stay strong,” having a place where vulnerability is expected—not disruptive—can be quietly powerful.
Real-time vs. delayed sharing
Both have value:
Real-time journaling:
Can feel intimate, like a conversation with pens or keyboards
Useful for debriefing after difficult events (“Let’s sit and write for 10 minutes about today’s appointment”)
Delayed sharing:
Gives time to regulate emotions before reading or responding
Can reduce defensiveness in couples and anxiety in kids
Fits better into busy caregiving schedules
You don’t have to choose one forever. Many families shift between them depending on what life is throwing at them that week.
What the Research Actually Shows
Most formal studies focus on individual journaling, but they still tell us a lot about what might be happening in shared journals.
Mental health effects: small-to-moderate, but real
Across multiple studies and meta-analyses:
Overall mental health symptoms dropped by about 5% in journaling groups vs. controls.[1]
Anxiety symptoms showed about a 9% reduction, and PTSD symptoms about 6%.[1]
In some short-term studies, around 76% of participants reported improved mental well-being after brief, structured journaling (e.g., 20 minutes/day for 3 days).[12]
Surveys suggest about 68% of people who journal report better health outcomes than those who don’t.[3]
These are not miracle numbers. They are modest but consistent, which in mental health research is often what “real” looks like.
Why writing helps in the first place
Journaling works on both emotional and cognitive levels:[10][13]
Emotionally, it offers a contained place to express fear, anger, grief, and hope.
Cognitively, it helps organize chaotic thoughts into sequences and stories, which the brain can process more easily.
When you share that writing:
You add social support, which is itself a strong predictor of better mental health.
You introduce dialogical reflection, which pushes people to re-examine assumptions and see multiple angles.[2][11]
In other words, shared journaling might not only help each person feel better; it may help them understand each other better.
Relationship and trust effects
In studies where people shared mood or emotional journals:
Sharing personal experiences was linked to increased trust and intimacy, especially among young people.[4]
Participants often reported:
Greater clarity about their own feelings
More confidence in communicating them
A stronger sense of connection with the person they shared with[2]
This lines up with many parents’ and partners’ anecdotal experience: “We finally had a place to say the things we’d both been swallowing.”
Adherence: why some people keep going
Journaling only tends to show stronger effects when people stick with it for more than 30 days.[5] Adherence improves when:
The process is supported digitally (e.g., reminders, easy access, shared apps)[5]
The purpose is clear (“We’re using this to track how we’re coping with your treatment,” etc.)
The practice is collaborative—which is where shared journaling shines
In chronic illness contexts, around 34% of journalers share their entries or data with healthcare providers, and over 45% say journaling helps them feel more in control of their health.[9] That sense of control can be especially important in families facing unpredictable disease courses.
Parent–Child Shared Journaling: A Quiet Bridge
Children (and teens especially) don’t always have the language—or the courage—to say what’s happening inside them. Shared journaling can give them a different route.
What it can offer kids
A safer distance from intense emotionsWriting “I’m scared you’ll die” in a notebook may feel more doable than saying it out loud at the dinner table.
Proof of being heardWhen a parent writes back—“I read this. I’m glad you told me. Here’s what I know and what I don’t know”—the child has a tangible record of being taken seriously.
A space to experiment with identityKids can try out opinions, fears, even anger, and see that the relationship survives.
For parents, it can:
Reveal what a child is actually worrying about (which is often different from what adults assume)
Offer a way to repair after conflict (“I know our argument was loud. Here’s what was happening for me.”)
Document growth—how a child’s questions and coping evolve over time
When a child is ill—or a dog is
In families managing chronic illness (human or canine), kids often absorb more than adults realize. Their questions might be:
“Is it my fault the dog is sick?”
“Why are you always at the vet and not at my game?”
“Will our dog die? Will you die?”
A shared journal can hold:
Their questions (even the ones they don’t want to say out loud)
Your honest but age-appropriate answers
Their drawings of the dog, the hospital, the family
Your reflections on how proud you are of their kindness, their frustration, their realness
This doesn’t remove the pain. It gives it form.
Couple Shared Journaling: A Softer Arena for Hard Things
For couples, especially under chronic stress—financial strain, caregiving, medical uncertainty—conversations often get tangled in timing and tone.
Shared journaling can offer:
A slower paceNo one has to respond instantly. You can read, feel your reaction, take a walk, then write.
Less performance pressureYou don’t have to keep your face neutral or your voice steady while saying the vulnerable thing. The page doesn’t flinch.
A record of effortIn rough seasons, it’s easy to forget how hard both of you are trying. The journal can show the attempts, not just the failures.
Some couples use shared journaling to:
Deconstruct recurring fights: “Here’s what that argument felt like from my side.”
Share gratitude or affection that gets lost in daily logistics.
Process grief together—especially around pet loss or anticipatory grief in chronic illness.
Research from educational contexts suggests that dialogical journaling increases reflective thinking and confidence in communication.[2][11] It’s reasonable to think similar dynamics apply when the “subject” is your relationship instead of your teaching.
The Privacy Paradox: Sharing vs. Protecting the Self
There’s a tension at the heart of shared journaling:
Sharing can deepen connection and understanding.
Privacy can protect authenticity and emotional safety.
Studies show that when journals are collected or analyzed—for research or clinical oversight—people sometimes open up less, and the benefits can shrink.[1] The sense of being watched, even benevolently, changes what gets written.
In families and couples, the same risk exists. If the journal becomes:
A tool for checking up on someone
Evidence in arguments
A place where one person feels obliged to perform “good coping”
…its usefulness erodes.
How to handle this tension (in principle, not as medical advice)
Agree on boundaries up front
What topics are fair game?
Are there topics that should stay in private, individual journals?
Are there times when either person can say, “I don’t want to respond to this right now”?
Normalize having both shared and private spacesIt’s healthy for each person to have thoughts that are just theirs. A shared journal is an addition, not a replacement.
Avoid using entries as weaponsQuoting past entries in a fight (“You wrote that you’d try harder!”) almost always backfires.
The goal is a space that feels voluntary, not compulsory.
Digital vs. Paper: Does the Medium Matter?
Research on how journaling is done (paper vs. digital) is still limited and mixed.
What we do know:
Adherence tends to be higher when journaling is supported digitally—reminders, easy access, shared apps.[5]
Some people feel more open typing; others need the physical act of writing to slow their thoughts.
For shared journaling, digital tools can make it easier to:
Write from different locations (hospital, work, home)
Share selectively with professionals (e.g., a therapist or vet)
At the same time:
Screens can feel less intimate for some.
Paper notebooks can feel more “special,” but are easier to lose and harder to secure.
There’s no universal best choice. The best medium is the one both of you will actually use.
How Shared Journaling Intersects With Health and Care
Even though most of the research focuses on human health, there’s a clear analogy for families caring for a chronically ill dog.
In human chronic illness:
Around 34% of journalers share their logs with healthcare providers.[9]
Over 45% say journaling helps them feel more in control of their health.[9]
Translating this to pet caregiving, a shared family journal might include:
Symptom tracking for the dog
Notes on medication responses or side effects
Emotional entries about what each person is finding hardest
Questions to bring to the next vet visit
This can:
Help owners communicate more clearly with veterinarians
Give kids a role in care (“You can write down how Max seemed after his walk”)
Make it easier for couples to stay on the same page about treatment decisions
You don’t have to show the vet your inner emotional entries. Many families keep a practical section (symptoms, questions) and a private, emotional section just for themselves.
Limits, Unknowns, and Who It Might Not Suit
The science is promising but incomplete.
What’s well-established
Individual journaling has modest but real benefits for anxiety, PTSD, and general distress.[1][10][13]
Writing helps people organize thoughts, process emotions, and feel more in control.[6][7][12]
Sharing emotional writing can increase trust and intimacy in some contexts.[2][4][11]
What’s still uncertain
How much extra benefit shared journaling adds beyond individual journaling
Which ages, genders, and relationship types benefit most[1][7]
The optimal frequency, duration, and format (paper vs. digital, prompts vs. free writing)
How to best balance privacy with sharing in different family cultures
When it may be a poor fit
Shared journaling may not be helpful—or may even be harmful—if:
There is ongoing emotional abuse, coercion, or control
One person feels unsafe being honest, even on paper
The journal is used to monitor, test, or “catch” the other person
In such situations, private journaling or professional support is usually more appropriate.
If You’re Considering Starting
Without prescribing, here are thought-starters you can bring into your own reflection—or to a conversation with a therapist or counselor.
You might ask yourselves:
What do we hope this journal will help with? (Understanding a child’s feelings? Processing grief? Tracking how we’re coping with the dog’s illness?)
What are our ground rules?
No reading without consent?
No quoting entries in arguments?
Okay to say “I need a break from writing this week”?
What format feels least intimidating?
A small notebook by the dog’s bed
A shared note on your phones
A weekly “check-in page” you fill in together
You can also talk with your mental health professional or vet about:
Whether journaling might support the emotional side of care in your specific situation
How to use what emerges in the journal to guide appointments and decisions
Living With a Shared Story
Families caring for a sick dog, a struggling child, or a relationship under strain often feel like they’re living in a story being written about them, not by them. Appointments, test results, financial pressures—they all dictate the plot.
Shared journaling doesn’t change the diagnosis or erase the losses. What it can change is authorship.
Two people, one page, trying to tell the truth as they know it that day.
The science says that kind of steady, reflective writing can ease symptoms a little, clarify thinking, and deepen connection. The lived experience for many families is that it also creates a record: of love, of effort, of the way you stayed in conversation with each other when it would have been easier to shut down.
In the middle of pain, that’s not everything. But it’s not nothing either.
References
Baikie, K. A., & Wilhelm, K. (2005). Emotional and physical health benefits of expressive writing. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, 11(5), 338–346. (Summarized in NIH – Efficacy of journaling in management of mental illness, PMC8935176.)
Nova Southeastern University — Shared Journaling as Peer Support in Teaching Qualitative Research Methods (nsuworks.nova.edu).
LamheNow — The Hidden Benefits of Journaling (lamhenow.com).
ECINS — Mental Health Benefits of Writing & Sharing a Mood Journal (ecins.com).
Smyth, J. M., et al. (2018). Online positive affect journaling in the improvement of mental distress and well-being: A randomized controlled trial. JMIR Mental Health, 5(3), e11290. (NIH — Online Positive Affect Journaling, PMC6305886.)
University of Rochester Medical Center — Journaling for Emotional Wellness (urmc.rochester.edu).
University of Wisconsin–La Crosse — Journaling’s Impact on Mental Health (uwlax.edu).
HabitBetter — Top Ranked Benefits of Journaling (habitbetter.com).
Journal My Health — Survey on Journaling and Health Data Sharing (journalmyhealth.com).
The Coaching Tools Company — The Scientific Benefits of Journaling (thecoachingtoolscompany.com).
ERIC — Shared Journaling as Peer Support in Teaching (eric.ed.gov).
George Mason University Wellbeing — Mental Health Benefits of Journaling (wellbeing.gmu.edu).
Greater Good Science Center — How Journaling Helps in Hard Times (greatergood.berkeley.edu).
Michigan State University Extension — Journaling to Reduce COVID-19 Stress (canr.msu.edu).
Comments